I was in a car accident recently. No one was hurt, thankfully, but both vehicles clearly had damage. And in the seconds after it happened, I had no idea how either of us was going to respond.

You don't, really. You don't know how you'll show up when something stressful happens and catches you off guard. And you definitely don't know what you're walking toward when the other person opens their car door.

What I was met with opened up something light inside me.

She got out of her car. We looked at each other. And she hugged me.

Are you okay?

Yes. Are you okay?

After years of working with professionals, business owners, and large companies, I can spot it from a mile away: The squirrel brains. And it's costing you so much more than you think.

This is the first thing we covered in my last workshop and it wasn't by accident. In all my years working with professionals and entrepreneurs, one theme consistently shows up: we are overwhelmed and tired not because we have too much to do, but because we can't stop letting the wrong things in, at the wrong times.

You already have a full plate. Actually, its probably even overflowing. And your plate never gets empty because you never stop adding to it. You keep piling on tasks, commitments, meetings you don’t need, and obligations that don’t require all your time. And nothing ever comes off. So the pile just grows, and you wonder why you feel forever behind. Its too heavy, and frankly looks ridiculous.

I've been to the Jade Resort twice now. Actually, as I write that, I'm a little disappointed in myself, twice isn't nearly enough. My first visit was a solo birthday trip with my 1 year old puppy, Ruby. The second, just recently, we came as a family: me, my husband Kurt, and our two German Shepherds.

That trip confirmed something I'd been quietly suspecting: we are different people when we let ourselves slow down.

There's a moment we've all lived through. You know what you need to do. The path is right there. And yet nothing happens. Days pass. Then weeks. The thing you want stays exactly where it was, waiting, while you circle it endlessly from a distance.

This isn't laziness. It isn't a lack of ambition. It's something far more common, and far more human: you're stalling. You're finding reasons to delay the decision that would actually move you forward.

And underneath all the reasons, ‘the timing isn't right’, ‘I need to research more’, ‘I'm almost ready’, there's usually one root cause. Fear.

Most people aren’t bad at social media. They just try to sell before anyone has a reason to care.

They show up when they want something.
They post the graphic.
They write “limited spots.”
They drop the link.
And then they disappear.

And when it doesn’t sell? They assume the algorithm failed them.

But, if you really think about it, you didn’t build any belief before asking for the sale.

Let’s think about this clearly and honestly, how do you buy things?

When you’re scrolling and you see a graphic for an event or a product, what do you do?

You skim through, maybe you squint at it.
If it doesn’t immediately make sense, you move on, yes?

I’ve caught myself saying it more times than I’d like to admit: “I just don’t have time.” And for a long time, I believed that. Actually, no, I didn’t actually believe that but it sounded better than ‘I’m avoiding that’.

It felt true and sounded valid. But it wasn’t entirely accurate.

Because somehow, I have time to scroll. Time to rewatch a show I’ve already seen. (likely Friends, Sons of Anarchy, Prison Break or Game of Thrones for the 4th time)
Time to respond to things that aren’t urgent.
Time to help other people move their lives forward.

But when it comes to the things that would actually move my life forward?

That’s where time suddenly disappears.

We fill our days without realizing what we’re filling them with.

And I know this because I used to start my days the exact same way.

I wake up, grab my phone and open my email.

And just like that, before I had even had a coffee, before I had a second to think about my own life…

I used to believe that if something didn’t work right away, it meant something about me.

If a post didn’t land.
If no one signed up.
If something I created didn’t immediately turn into an opportunity…

I made it mean it wasn’t good enough, or worse, that I wasn’t.

It didn’t matter how much thought I put into it or how aligned it felt when I created it.

If the outcome didn’t show up quickly…my brain filled in the blanks.

Was that not good enough?
Do people not care?
Am I doing something wrong?

It doesn’t take long before it stops being about the work…and starts being about your worth.

Release the expectation.

For years, it was everyone else first. Everything else first.
Writing was what I did after. If there was time. If I had energy. If everything else was handled.

But I always did have time. I just never treated writing like it mattered.

It wasn’t “the thing.” It was just… a thing I did.

Recently, I found myself trying to figure out where I was going.

What I should do next.
What made the most sense.
What would be productive, responsible and sustainable.

And then it hit me:

I’ve already been here the whole time.

I got rejected today. Third time this week.

And for about 30 seconds, my brain tried to convince me that meant something about who I am.

But a recent conversation prepped me to redirect this thought.

She said: “You have to believe you’re worthy before the world says so.” And I’ve been thinking about that ever since, because most of us are walking around waiting to be chosen. I know it rings true for my life, I wrote a whole book on waiting to be chosen and validated by someone or something.

Chosen in relationships.
Chosen for the job.
Chosen for the opportunity.
Chosen to be seen, validated, and approved.

We don’t always say it out loud, actually we barely say it out loud but it shows up in how we move.

We attach our worth to the outcome, right? “If they pick me, I must be good enough.” “If they don’t, something must be wrong with me.” We allow someone else to decide how worthy we are.

And that’s where things start to get heavy. Because if your worth is tied to being chosen, then every rejection starts to feel like proof that you’re not enough. And that’s a dangerous place to live.

I know this feeling well.

I’m going to say this a bit louder than usual, not because you need it but because I do and I need this really click this time.

You are not required to keep living a life you no longer want just because you once chose it.

And not that you need the permission, but let me say this so you can start to believe it:

You are allowed to change your mind.

About the relationship.
About the job.
About the city.
About the investment.
About the version of you that said yes in the first place.

And it does not mean it was a waste.

The moment we think something isn’t for us anymore, this thought creeps in:

“I just wasted so much time.”
“I can’t believe I spent that much money.”
“I put years into this.”
“I should just stick it out.”

We treat time, money, and effort like they’re receipts we need to justify.