Main Character Energy

I Was Always a Writer. I Just Didn’t Treat It That Way.

I am a writer first.
Everything else comes second.

Okay, I’ve said it out loud a number of times recently, now writing it down for the world to see, at least 1 other person to read - haha), this is how I am now showing up.

But for a long time, it wasn’t like that.

For years, it was everyone else first. Everything else first.
Writing was what I did after. If there was time. If I had energy. If everything else was handled.

But I always did have time. I just never treated writing like it mattered.

It wasn’t “the thing.” It was just… a thing I did.

Recently, I found myself trying to figure out where I was going.

What I should do next.
What made the most sense.
What would be productive, responsible and sustainable.

And then it hit me:

I’ve already been here the whole time.

I’ve been writing for over 10 years.
Not perfectly. Not consistently in the way people like to define consistency.
But consistently enough that it never left me.

Through every version of my life, writing stayed.

It’s been the only constant.
The only thing I’ve always come back to.
The only thing I’ve ever truly wanted to be known for.

I’ve always wanted to publish a book.

And when I finally did, the feeling I had - the fulfillment and the pride - was deeper than anything else I had experienced.

Not louder or more externally validated.
But deeper.

And still… I kept putting it on the back burner.

I told myself the same things most people do:

It’s not a real job.
How do you make money doing that?
What does that even look like long-term?

So I filled my time with other things.
Things that proved I was productive.
Things that made more sense on paper.

And I’m good at those things. I even enjoy some of them.

But they were never the thing.

They were distractions dressed up as responsibility.

I remember sitting in a therapy session last year, feeling completely stuck.

And I said, out loud:

“I just want to quit everything and go sit in the forest and write.”

That was it. That was the truth.

The response I got was… logical.

“Okay, but you’re not going to make money doing that for a long time. So what else are you going to do?”

And I remember feeling even more stuck.

Because the reality was I wasn’t making money where I was either.
And I was miserable.

So what exactly was I protecting?

Even when I first met my husband 6 years ago, he asked me, ‘if you could do anything, what would you do?’ My answer without hesitation was “I would live in the forest and just write.”

And he told me that I could do anything I set my mind to. He’s right about that, but I didn’t believe how possible that could be.

Shortly after the conversation with my therapist, my husband and I went camping.

And I tried again to explain what I meant.

Not “I’m quitting life and disappearing into the woods forever.” (although…I do think about that sometimes..)

But:

Nothing fuels me like writing does.Nothing feels as aligned. Nothing feels as me.

And this time, he heard me.

Like, really heard me.

He told me he didn’t want me to be unhappy. That I should do what I need to do.

And something shifted.

Enough to start asking better questions.

I stopped asking,
“How do I fit writing into my life?”

And started asking,
“How do I build my life around writing?”

Because it’s not the side thing.

It’s the thing.

Everything else?
Supportive. Complementary. Secondary.

I needed to stop treating the thing I love like a side effect.

Nothing was actually stopping me.

I wasn’t blocked.
I wasn’t incapable.
I wasn’t “not ready.”

I was choosing other things.

Safer things. Clearer things. More explainable things.

All while holding the key to the life I actually want.

I am a writer first.

Not when I have time.
Not when it’s convenient.
Not when it makes sense.

Now.

Everything else is second.

And not because the other things don’t matter but because this matters more.

At some point, “good on paper” just becomes an excuse for not choosing what I know is right.

If you’re honest with yourself…what’s the thing you keep treating like a side hustle that’s actually the main thing?

And how much longer are you going to pretend you don’t know?

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Michelle Gallant

Writer | Creator | Dreamer

Cover Image Captured by: Kristen McGaughey Photography