Failing? or Finding Out?

There’s a line that continues to replay itself in my head and its so relevant to my life right now, and in pretty much every decision I’ve made up until this point and its this:

I had to do it to realize I didn't want to do it.

Maybe you had to date that person to realize they weren't right for you. Maybe you had to move to that city, take that job, start that business, not because it was the answer, but because doing it was the only way to find out.

I know this because I lived it, over and over again.

For a few years, I worked as an assistant to three realtors. And something about that world fascinated me. The freedom, the hustle, the idea of building something of your own and all the education I’d learn along the way. So I went through the course. Got my license. And once I had it, I couldn't work under those same realtors anymore which meant I had to jump in on my own.

So I did. For nearly four years.

I tried everything. The big conferences. The top coaches and marketers in the industry. I invested in myself. I invested in my business. I showed up. I pushed through. I did all the things you're supposed to do when you want something to work.

And underneath all of it, quietly, persistently… something felt off. It never really fit. Not deeply. Not in the way that makes you feel like you're exactly where you're supposed to be. I’d compare myself to the other ones who seemed to enjoy it, and gave them a purpose. I wanted to feel that, but I didn’t. At least not for real estate. It drained me more than it gave me.

So eventually, I gave up my license. Actually two days ago to be exact.

And what surprised me was this: I didn't feel like I'd wasted four years. I felt like I'd finally gotten the answer I needed. Because I had to try to know for certain it wasn't for me. Otherwise I’d always wonder.

This shows up everywhere in life, not just our careers.

Think about dating. You meet someone who checks a lot of boxes. On paper, it makes sense. People around you are encouraging. And you try, you give it a real shot. Only to realize, slowly, that something underneath just isn't right. They weren't the person for you. But you couldn't have known that without being in it. And we don’t always want to believe others, we kinda need to figure it out on our own.

When you realize that that thing or person isn’t for you, it makes you closer to what you actually want. Because now you know more about what you don't. It has nothing to do with failure. It’s research. You are collecting data. That's self-knowledge you couldn't have gotten any other way.

We talk about wasted time like it's the worst thing that can happen. But I'd push back on that.

The years I spent in real estate weren't wasted. They gave me things that can't be taken away: skills I built, character that formed under pressure, experiences that shaped how I see myself and the world. I met people who mattered and some of them became my closest friends. I learned how to show up even when something isn't working. I learned what "not this" feels like in my body, which turns out to be incredibly useful when you're trying to find "yes, this."

Some of my best connections came from that season. People who opened doors to the things I actually love. That's not coincidence. That's what happens when you show up fully, even for the wrong thing.

So if you're in something right now that doesn't quite fit, maybe its a relationship, a career, a path someone told you was perfect for you, I'm not going to tell you to quit. I'm going to ask: are you learning? Are you getting closer to knowing what you actually want?

Because sometimes you have to go through the thing to understand yourself more fully. You have to live inside it. Try it honestly. Give it a real shot. I know when its time to let go when I can fully say “I gave it my all and still, just wasn’t for me.”

And when you come out the other side, whether you stayed or walked away you'll know something about yourself that no one can teach you from the outside.

That's not wasted time, money or energy. That's time well spent on the most important project there is, which is figuring out who you are and what truly makes you feel alive.

Choosing to become a Realtor made me realize how much I’d rather spend that time and energy writing more books, helping people build their businesses and lead a slow, more intentional life. And what a gift that is.