Who Is Paying You to Be Available Right Now?

I had a moment this past week after a quick hop over to Vancouver to visit my sister that made me approach who I was giving my time and energy too.

I decided not to bring my laptop, just one overnight bag full of the necessities. I decided ahead of time that didn’t want anyone to have access to my time or energy while I was giving it to time with my sister. I honestly don’t even remember the last time I didn’t bring my laptop while I was away from home.

I told my clients ahead of time: I’m unavailable Monday and Tuesday.

Not “I’ll check in when I can.”
Not “text me if it’s urgent.”

And I meant it.

Because I knew the kind of time we were going to have.

If there’s one thing about us, we don’t just sit around. Even though, honestly, that’s what we say we’re going to do.

We always say we’re going to rot in bed, eat snacks, watch shows, and just be silly.

And then somehow we end up walking everywhere, exploring, doing 20,000 steps without even realizing it. Which is exactly what happened.

We met my uncle for dinner, walked around more, kept talking, kept wandering.

And then finally made it back to the hotel.

Took off our makeup, put on our pajamas, she put on a face mask, we put a show on…

And just chilled until we fell asleep.

The next morning, she had to leave early for work. And my flight wasn’t until 2:00 p.m.

So I had the entire morning to myself.

No one needed me.
Nothing was expected of me.
I could literally do anything I wanted.

Or nothing at all.

And my first thought was:

Okay… who should I give this time to?

Like it was already spoken for.

My brain immediately went to clients:

• Maybe I should check in.

• Maybe I can get ahead on something.

• Maybe I can see if anyone needs anything.

And I had to stop myself.

Because the truth was… they didn’t.

They weren’t expecting me.
They weren’t paying me to be available in that moment.

So why was I acting like I owed them that time?

So I didn’t.

I read a bit of the book I brought. Then I went to the gym and worked out for about an hour.

But even there… I caught myself.

Checking my phone. Looking to see if I missed anything.

For what reason? I honestly don’t even know because there was nothing. Nobody needed anything from me. I already told anyone who may need something that I was unavailable those days.

There was nothing I could do from the gym anyway.

And I had to check myself again.

Standing there, literally looking at myself in the mirror in front of the free weights, I said:

“Michelle, nobody is paying you to be available right now. So why are you acting like they are?

Put this time towards yourself. You owe that to yourself.”

And I could feel the guilt trying to creep in.

Because I wasn’t needed.

I didn’t have my dogs with me or my husband.
No responsibilities. No one asking anything of me.

It was just me.

And for some reason… that felt uncomfortable.

And that’s the part that really got me. How quickly I shifted from being focused on myself…to wondering what other people might need.

Not even what they do need. What they might need. That’s such an old pattern. And it’s a hard one to break.

But the second I said it out loud again —

Nobody is paying you to be available right now. This time is yours.

It clicked.

How much time and energy I spend filling space that was never mine to fill in the first place.

How often I offer myself up… without even being asked.

And how much that actually costs me.

Mentally. Emotionally. Creatively.

It also made me think about how we start our days.

Because most of us don’t wake up and think,
What do I want to do with my time today?

We wake up and think,
Who needs me? What do I need to respond to? What did I miss?

And from that moment on… our time is gone. And if we want to go deeper, we never allowed it to be ours to being with.

How much of your free time are you giving away… without even realizing it?

Not because you have to.

Just because you’re used to.

And what would it look like if you didn’t?

If you actually kept some of that time for yourself first.

I’m not saying don’t show up for people.

I’m just saying…Stop giving yourself away so quickly.

Unless someone is paying you to be available right now, you don’t owe them that moment.

But you do owe it to yourself.