‘Having it All’ Isn’t About What You Think
There's a theme that keeps coming up, you hear it everywhere. People standing on stages, writing books, sharing their stories of having it all.
The big house, the relationship, the salary, the status. Everything looked good on the outside. But on the inside, they were crumbling. Unstable. Unhappy.
I mean, I wrote a whole book about my version.
Why do we keep hearing this same story?
I think it's because we've been conditioned to chase. To strive for more, for better, for bigger. To want what looks good because what looks good is what gets us that stamp of approval. It's how we show people we've made it. That we've earned it. It's the validation we so desperately need just to feel good about ourselves and how we got there.
But the irony? We never actually feel good. Because the moment we get there, we're already chasing the next thing. The goalpost keeps moving, and we can never actually reach it.
I'm no different.
I had it all, at least in my eyes. And I kept looking for the next thing that would fuel me, give me that validation, make people see me as successful. Like I'd really done it. But it was never enough.
That feeling came to a head in one moment. One decision that changed everything.
I remember sitting in my car in my driveway, not wanting to go inside. Not wanting to go inside to my husband, who was probably making me dinner, willing to give me the moon if I asked for it. And I just sat there thinking: is this it?
Am I really going to keep chasing the next thing just to appear like I have it all, when on the inside, I don't even want any of it?
I may have went inside that night, but it wasn’t long before it would be the last time. And I never really went home again.
I found myself couch hopping, trying to figure out what that feeling was. Trying to piece together what would actually make me happy, what would make me feel fulfilled. Because what I realized was that nothing had been fulfilling me before. It was stuff. It was an expectation. And not even my own. I had no idea where to put any of that, so I just bottled it up and buried it.
How could I have it all and not want any of it?
It took a divorce. Going broke. Not having an address to my name. To finally realize that I have everything I actually want. I can do anything I want. And all I wanted was peace. Peace within me, and around me. A quiet life. My life.
But we're not told to want that. We're told to keep reaching, keep moving the goalpost. And that goalpost is almost always pointed at something material, something physical. Something that can be discarded the moment you need to move it again.
Look at some of the happiest people you know. Really look. They're not boasting about their house or their car or their salary. They probably live pretty modestly and not because they can't have more, but because they've realized more isn't what brings them peace.
True inner peace doesn't come from collecting things. It comes from healing. From experience, reflection, vulnerability.
It usually comes from people who've been through not having anything and who now could have more, but simply don't need it.
And they're not out here looking for it either. They’re present in their life, feeling fulfilled.
