39 Things I've Learned in 39 Years

I turned 39 today, and as I was walking my dog this morning through the forest trail, I voice recorded these thoughts, lessons, pieces of advice that I’ve learned along my own journey through this life. I thought it would be valuable to share, take what you need, leave what you don’t. Only you will know.

1. Being rich means freedom, not status. My definition of wealth has completely changed. Being rich doesn't feel like a chase anymore. It feels like freedom. It means big love, refusing mediocrity, and never settling. The number in my account matters far less than the spaciousness I feel in my chest.

2. Work better, not more. I used to believe I needed to grind harder to have more. I've learned there's a difference between working more and working better. When you work better, with intention, clarity, and aligned energy, opportunities will find you. They stop being things you chase and start being things that arrive.

3. You can have it all, but you must define it first. I genuinely believe you can have it all. But "it all" is a blank canvas until you paint it. You have to get radically clear on what that means for you, your version, not anyone else's, and then build a real plan for how you're going to make it happen.

4. Who you choose as a partner matters more than almost anything else. This person will share your table, your bed, your mornings, maybe your children, maybe your dogs. They will witness every version of you. The proud ones and the ones you're not sure of. They'll travel with you, meet your family, hold your emotional capacity. Choose wisely. Choose someone who can handle all of you.

5. When you get clear on what you want, be prepared to receive it. If you're looking for love, make the list. Write it down. Then look at it honestly and ask: am I this? Because you have to become the list in order to attract it. The person you're looking for is also looking for someone, and that someone needs to be you.

6. Healing doesn't mean putting love on hold. Just because you're focused on yourself, working through past heartbreak, learning who you are, doesn't mean you have to close the door to love. It just means you need a deeper level of awareness. You learn to see who belongs in your circle and who doesn't. That discernment is a gift, not a wall.

7. Generational trauma is real, and so is your choice about it. At some point, ownership shifts to you. You can acknowledge what was passed down without continuing to carry it. Recognizing the weight is the first step. Setting it down, intentionally and consciously, is the work. That's not betrayal. That's freedom.

8. Don't bleed on people who didn't hurt you. You may have been wounded. That's real. But when you bring old wounds into new relationships, new friendships, new love, you contaminate something that didn't deserve it. Process it. Learn from it. Move forward clean, so you never have to carry that again.

9. Don't forget to have fun. This life is precious and fragile and completely absurd in the best way. Not everything needs to be heavy. Not everything is meant to be taken personally or seriously. Make room for joy. Let yourself play. Lighten up, not because the hard things don't matter, but because the light things do too.

10. Your health is the most important investment you will ever make. No one can do this for you. No one will do this for you. Your physical health, your mental health, your emotional health, all of it requires your time, focus, energy, money. Because it can be taken from you in a moment. And when it's gone, nothing else on this list matters.

11. Love the people who love you back. Spend your time with the people who actually want to spend time with you. Check in on them. Be there. This sounds obvious until you realize how much energy most of us pour into people who are lukewarm about us, while the ones who light up when we walk in are waiting for a text back.

12. Get a dog. It will give you more purpose than you expect. It will teach you things about presence, loyalty, and unconditional joy that no book ever could. A dog's life is an entire philosophy compressed into fur and wet kisses. It will make your life bigger.

13. Walk every day. Just walk. It doesn't have to be far. It doesn't have to be fast. Put your phone down. Go outside. Be in a body that is moving through the world. Walk the trail, the beach, the backyard. Walk in silence. Walk and think. Walk and breathe. The answer to a lot of things is a long walk.

14. The top of the corporate ladder is not what you think it is. You will spend years chasing titles and status and climbing. And then you'll arrive, or get close, and realize that reaching the top is exhausting and hollow in ways you didn't anticipate. The ladder was never yours. It was just something you thought you needed to have, based on someone else’s expectations.

15. Maybe you're not struggling. Maybe you're learning. When it feels like you're barely holding it together financially, try shifting the frame. Maybe you're in the process of unlearning old beliefs about money. You need less than you think. Take this time to learn how to live minimally. You’ll be surprised about what this teaches you about what really matters. Maybe this uncomfortable season is the very thing that's growing you. Struggle and learning look almost identical from the inside.

16. Listen to the voice inside you. Your gut knows. There is a quiet, persistent voice that tells you things. It nudges you. Most of us have spent years learning to override it with logic, fear, or other people's opinions. Stop. That voice is information. Take the opportunities it points to, even if you don't yet know how. Say yes, and figure out the rest later.

17. There are no rules to dating. Lean in, but don't force.  If you had a good time, say so. If you like someone, let them know. But hold the outcome loosely. Don't force what isn't flowing. If you have to push it that hard, it's not for you.

18. Expensive doesn't mean good. Read the ingredients. A high price tag is not proof of quality, and it's definitely not proof that something is right for you. Someone else's glowing endorsement doesn't make it yours either. Learn to evaluate things for yourself, in products, in relationships, in advice. Trust your own discernment. Pay attention.

19. Limit your alcohol. You won't regret it. I'm not saying quit entirely, though you won't regret it if you do. I'm saying be intentional about it. Not every occasion, not every time, not by default. The clarity you gain, mentally, emotionally, physically, changes everything.

20. Take care of your skin. It's the only one you live in. Future you will be grateful. That's it. That's the lesson.

21. Limit sugar, but eat the cheesecake. Balance is not deprivation. Take care of your body with real consistency: movement, rest, nourishment, intention. And when the cheesecake calls your name and it would genuinely make you happy, eat it. Joy is also health.

22. Stop being available to everyone. Who is paying you to be accessible 24 hours a day? Nobody. So stop giving that time away. Detox from the notifications, the apps, the constant pinging. When you are available to everyone, you become inaccessible to yourself. You deserve your own undivided attention.

23. Stop doing things you hate. It's okay to quit. If something doesn't feel like you, if you're pouring time and energy and money into something that consistently drains you, you're allowed to stop. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Nobody needs to understand but you. Keep moving toward what fills you up.

24. Lean hard into what fills your cup. Painting, writing, reading, building, creating, whatever it is that makes you feel like the most alive version of yourself. Lean into it. Not as a side thing, not as a reward when the real work is done. As a priority.

25. Pay attention to how you treat people, all people. Whether you know them well or they're a stranger behind a counter. You can disagree and still be kind. You can be in conflict and still be respectful. You can hold your position and still see the person in front of you. Be kind. It costs nothing and means everything.

26. Whatever you're hiding from, you have to face it. The distractions, the constant busyness, the deliberate noise, they are keeping you from something you already know you need to address. This is your signal to surrender. To stop running toward everything except the thing that matters. Face it. Name it and leave it behind. 

27. The door of the cage you're in is already open. You are carrying so much more than you need to. You have built a prison inside yourself and the door is wide open. The only thing keeping you inside is the fear of how uncomfortable it will be to walk out. To face your own resistance. To confront your own bullshit. Walk out of there. I promise you, you will wish you had done it sooner.

28. Doubt doesn't mean you're incapable. It means you care. Of course you doubt yourself. You've never done this before. You want to do it well. That's not weakness, that's evidence that it matters to you. Look back at everything you accomplished that you once thought was impossible. This is no different. Say yes. Figure it out. Trust that you will be proud of yourself on the other side.

29. The number on your pants is irrelevant. If they fit well, feel comfortable, and you'd wear them every day, buy them. The number is different in every store, in every country, in every decade. Nobody knows what it says. Nobody cares. Wear what makes you feel like yourself, and let that be enough.

30. Learn from those who've done it, then do it your way. The people who've walked this path before you are worth listening to. But they did it their way, at their pace, with their particular gifts and wounds. You have yours. Maybe you need to go slower and their path doesn't fit your feet. Trust yourself to find the route that's actually yours.

31. Listen more. Talk less. When you genuinely listen, to people, to the world, to the silence, you hear everything you need. Most of us are preparing our response while the other person is still speaking. Put that down. Listen like the answer is already in the room.

32. Live alone, at least once, for long enough. Living alone is one of the best investments you'll ever make in yourself. You learn who you are when nobody's watching. You learn what you actually need. You learn who is worthy of the sacred space you've created, and you stop inviting in people who aren't. Live alone until someone comes along who is so good, so right, so clearly meant to be there that sharing it is an obvious yes.

33. Stop over-explaining yourself. People will either get it or they won't. Your choices belong to you. They're made in your best interest, for your own reasons, and they don't require a court hearing. Stop justifying, over-explaining, seeking approval. Trust what you're doing. Trust yourself and keep it moving.

34. Nature is medicine. Take it regularly. There is something that happens when you step away from screens, from rooms, from the hum of everything, and into the open air. Your nervous system remembers what it is. A trail, beach, or even your backyard. Regular contact with the natural world is not optional for your well-being, it's necessary.

35. Be intentional about who enters your protected space. Your home, your energy, your time, these are sacred. You don't owe access to anyone who hasn't earned it. The more clearly you see your own worth, the more deliberately you choose who gets proximity to it. This is not coldness. This is self-respect.

36. Say yes first. Figure it out second. Most of the best things in your life will require a yes before you know how. The "how" rarely comes before the commitment, it comes after. Say yes to yourself. Trust that you'll find the way. You always have.

37. Keep doing the work. Keep going. Continue walking, continue taking care of your body and mind and soul, continue showing up for the things and people that matter. Consistency in small things is the most underrated form of self-love.

38. Mental and emotional health are health. Full stop. It is not something you get to once everything else is handled. The way you feel inside shapes every single thing on this list. Invest there. Protect it like your life depends on it, because in a very real way, it does.

39. Trust yourself. Pay attention. This is the one beneath all the others. You have the answers. You've always had them. The work of a lifetime is simply learning to hear them over the noise. Pay attention. You already know.

I’d be curious to know what spoke to you in this list or what did I miss?