The Hidden Cost of Saying Yes to Everything
“When you say yes to others, make sure you’re not saying no to yourself.”
— Paulo Coelho
I recently read that quote and it gave me a whole new perspective on how I approached my every day life. We’re constantly told, “say yes and figure it out later”, or “ say yes - you never know where it will lead” and while I agree with those two very powerful statements, it always needs to come with a caveat, which is what Paulo reinforced, “make sure you’re not saying no to yourself.”
I’ll admit it, I say yes to a lot of things, mainly because I don’t want to miss an opportunity, let anyone down or maybe, deep down, I want to prove that I can do it, show up or be someone they can lean on. But as I continue to add more ‘yes’s” to my plate, my plate is getting heavier.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that every yes was quietly costing me something.
When you say yes to everything, the cost isn’t always immediate.
It shows up later as:
Constant mental clutter
A to-do list that never ends
A low-level feeling of being behind, no matter how much you do
Decision fatigue before the day has even really started
You’re technically “productive,” but you’re never finished. And for my brain anyway, that doesn’t serve me well. It never has, I just didn’t know how to be any other way. It wasn’t until I realized that I can continue to say yes but I need to say no at the same time, in order to balance it all.
Because every yes creates more to hold. Are the yes’s actually moving me closer to where I want to be or are they just small interruptions/ distractions proving something to someone else? Maybe neither, maybe both.
For every one thing I added - something needed to go.
For example, if I want to add reading 10 pages of a book every morning with my coffee, I need to leave my phone in the other room.
If I say commit to working out every day for 30 minutes at noon, this time is blocked from my calendar and my phone goes on silent.
While those may seem like small things, they feel like the big ones that will help me down the road.
Here’s a bigger example: If I have a new client that wants 15 hours of my time every month, where is this costing me in other areas of my life? I likely need to look at my current priorities and schedule their time according to my availability.
It usually requires me to:
Finish a project I’ve been putting off to free up capacity
Decide clearly where their time fits
Be honest about how much more I can realistically take on
That’s what it looks like to say yes without saying no to myself.
Saying yes isn’t the problem. Saying yes without intention is.
Next time you say yes to something, remind yourself that you will need to remove something.
And if you can’t/don’t want to remove anything, then maybe saying yes isn’t what you need at this time.
Your yes isn’t free. It’s paid for with your time, energy, or attention.
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Michelle Gallant
Author | Creator | Advocate for a Fulfilled Life
Cover Image Captured by: Amanda Rentiers Photography
