How to Approach Conflict with Love

While conflict is not a bad thing in a relationship, it is important to address it so we can approach it the right way. Conflict happens due to different opinions from partner(s) which leads to verbal disagreements and arguments. To manage conflict in a relationship it's important to have healthy and effective communication that allows you to understand each other better and make your relationship stronger.


Many relationships are about to collapse now due to conflicts. I wanted to talk openly and discuss some of these things with you.

Why is it that we only have hard conversations when there's conflict?

Why can't we have those hard conversations before there's a conflict so that we can know where the other person or where we stand on particular subjects before having said conflicts?

Why do we go to counselling sessions when there's a problem?


Why can't we go to counselling before there's a problem so that we know how to approach said problems if they were to occur. And I'm talking more specifically in relationships, specifically relationships between spouses, and whether you're married or not, but just in committed relationships.


1. Visit A Counsellor Before Conflict Arise: When you are in a relationship, you probably don't think about going to counselling sessions or have therapeutic therapy. Unless there's a problem. It's until you're at your wit's end, and you don't know what else to do. But why don't we do this at the beginning of the relationship when things are good? No one talks about it, no one tells us that. And we tend to use therapy and counselling and coaching as the last resort. When perhaps if we use it as the first resort, we would be in a much better place. But we don't think about that.


We often think that what's the need to go to a therapy session when we're in a good place. We think that we don't have anything to talk about or discuss because everything seems great at the moment.


When we are in a good place is the best time to talk to a counsellor. We should also discuss the good parts of the adventure, the things we love about each other. And then maybe we can use it as a safe space to talk about the things that maybe we feel aren't so great and probably things we need to work on, instead of expressing our emotions in an abrasive confrontational way we can approach it better in a loving way, where we have safe space to talk about it openly.


2. Have A Conversation Rather than Confrontation: Always wear the attitude of having those conversations before there's a confrontation. We need to talk more.

We're so scared to hurt one another's feelings, to avoid conflict, and to avoid confrontation. But then all of those feelings and words and actions build up inside of us. If you hide your feelings and emotions, we could start to resent that person or start to feel negative towards them because of the things that they've said or done. But how would they know if you don't tell them?


Instead of holding back and just letting it brew inside of you and till you ultimately explode. I say this from past experiences, I have discussed my first marriage openly, and how I said that we never thought we didn't. But some things bothered each other about one another. But we never said it until the very end. And that didn't do anything good for us. And I'm not saying that you should be fighting with people. Because I don't think that is good for anyone either.


I strongly believe in and encourage meaningful, deep conversations. If you trust each other and feel safe, you should have those conversations that are uncomfortable.


They will leave you feeling so protected and loved that you will want more.


"I don't want to be held back by not trusting myself or not trusting others, to discuss the things that I'm feeling to feel uncomfortable and feel like I can't say what is on my mind in fear of how it will make you feel."

3. Approach Difficult Situations With Love. How the other person chooses to respond or chooses to react on it or chooses to accept it. That's not your problem. If you are approaching it in a loving, caring, most vulnerable, honest way. It should be received that way. But I know that's not always the case. Because what people say and how we hear and interpret it can be two different things. And I think that's the fear.

4. Choosing Your Words; When you choose your words rightly, you will be having a conversation rather than conflict. When you're aware that you're providing loving and open space to discuss the hard conversations, this is crucial to a long-lasting relationship. I had discussed the idea of going to counselling with my fiancé. And at first, he was a little Well, why would we do that? Like we're good, aren't we? Yes, we are. But that's why I want to go. And the idea was a bit perplexed. I had never said this to anyone before. Even for asking, I felt a little weird because I had never done this with somebody. But I wanted to approach it. However, things are great and I love my relationship. I want to keep it that way.


5. Stay and Work it Out. Are you willing to do this with me when things are good to enforce the love and the goodness that we know we can have long term as we enter this partnership? I encourage you to have these conversations with those that you love. And again, this takes a great amount of work to know how to approach these conversations and create this safe space because if you can't do that with the people you love.

How will you have healthy relationships? It will be hard, because it's uncomfortable. We try to avoid them because it's uncomfortable.

But would you rather let it build up inside you and create fear, such that you feel you're going to burst at any moment all the time, because you're holding in all these feelings, or would you rather just have the conversations, get it out and move on so that you can create and build on this wonderful relationship that you know you have?


I'm trying to do this every day because like I mentioned earlier, I have been in relationships where we didn't fight because we were scared of how the other person would react, respond. And then I've been in relationships where everything came out in the form of yelling, or swearing or disrespecting one another. And that's not healthy. And now I'm in this beautiful relationship where I feel protected, and safe to say the things that maybe he doesn't want to hear or the things that I don't want to say. But I need to say them, I need to say them so that I can love him longer. I can love him more, I can continue to feel safe. And to continue to put my own internal work into growing and developing as a better partner.


6. Don't Intentionally Hurt Your Partner's Feelings: I'm going to assume that you are a good person and never want to intentionally hurt someone with words. Most people don't. However, ther are some that don't care - don't be that person.


I encourage you to start educating yourself on communication skills, and how you can improve as a person. By doing this, you can improve your life and the relationships that you have. If you do this, I can promise you that everything will start to change around you. All the relationships that you hold so high will start to change because you are changing and you are changing how you approach it.


"You are enforcing boundaries and you are entering the space with love all the time, you're feeling the love, you're giving them love and you're receiving the love you want. "

Questions to ask yourself:


What can you do today to be better?

Does this relationship feel like an obligation or a choice?

Think about your last argument with your spouse and think about how you felt and how you reacted.



Sending you good vibes & love,

xoxo

Michelle


Listen on Spotify

Listen on Apple Podcasts


4 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All