1. Your Own Bullshit Excuses And Your Own Way; This applies to all areas of life. We hear a lot of people talking about what they want, even if they know what they want. But they just don't know what exact steps it takes to get It. And I'm here to tell you that is a bullshit excuse.
"If you don't go after what you want, you will never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place"- Nora Roberts.
You need to get out of your own way and get to work if you have a desire for something, specifically in a relationship, you go for your want.
2. People Want To Know The Formula To Get The Result; They want to know the exact formula someone took so that they can skip all of that time and all of those steps to get the thing that they want. And it doesn't work like that. "Don't compare your results to someone else's. It's only when you make the process your goal that the big dream can follow."
You can never be another person, you can only be a better version of yourself. Yes, I can lay out a plan for you and tell you what to do. But you're still not going to skip over that time, that work to get what you want, you still have to put in the work. And you still have to put in the time, that consistency is key. When it comes to relationships, people just want to find the one right away and skip the bullshit, skip all the dating, skip all of the exhaustion that dating might bring. And you just want to find that gem, that unicorn that you know could exist for you because you see other people talking about how they found theirs. But you want to skip all the bullshit.
Nobody wants to go through the bullshit. You don't have to go through the bullshit though. If you expect dating to come along with bullshit and exhaustion, and attracting other people that you don't want. You don't need to go through all that obviously, but if you can clearly define exactly what you want in a partner and in a relationship. You won't have any time to settle for anything else but the best. And you could learn from the story that I've been telling. And think, Oh, she found the right one so quick, right after a relationship.
3. When Your Want Isn't Clearly defined: It's one thing to want something, it's another thing to know exactly what you want. And is it clearly defined in a way where if someone didn't match any of those qualities, you're willing to let them step aside and continue looking? Or are you willing to bend a little bit. You need to get clarity on this. This isn't something that you force, You have to be patient before making drastic decisions that may either make or mar your life. If you want the best that match what you want, you have to work on it until you're ready to welcome whatever it is you want for your life. You have to be ready for the right person because you can't expect someone with dreams, goals and aspirations to want just anybody who doesn't fit into their goals. If you don't match that energy, you will lose the opportunity. It's funny that a lot of people are waiting for this recipe to create this relationship that they've been looking for without doing the work. Hence, you have to do the work internally before you can be accepted externally.
4. When You Stop Learning and Growing: When you have found the right person who matches your goals, move forward every day. While you have found that person, there is constant work you will do as you progress in the relationship. You constantly have to learn to grow and become better. You learn more, develop and grow. This isn't a one and done. This isn't found your person and let go of yourself. This is a found your person now get to work. Because they found you in a state of your best. You need to continue that. And you need to be ready to call them out if they start to let things slide or they start to put aside what was important to them before. I would never want to be in the way of someone else's growth. You need to be willing to have those conversations you need to be willing to express yourself.
5. When you don't want to be Vulnerable and you start to bottle up matters: You need to be willing to be vulnerable. When you're in love, being vulnerable is crucial in a relationship.
"Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there is no reason to continue." - Karen Salmansohn
Honesty and communication are vital in a relationship. If something is bothering you, if you need something, if you want something, if something doesn't feel right, you need to be open and talk about that with your partner. You both came together from a place of love and because you want it to work. If you want to have a better relationship together. Communication and being vulnerable is key. Open up, don't hide things or not say things out of fear because you're scared of how they will react. Be yourself because being yourself is what attracted them to you in the first place, and continue with that. It's too exhausting to try and be someone else anyways. Just be yourself. And if they don't like it, they're not for you.
Somebody is out there wanting to be with you so badly.
I promise you.
From My Experience
I was in a relationship for a year, broke up. And four days later, met my fiancé and he matched exactly what I wanted in a person and a relationship. I didn't ask for it. I didn't have to ask him to do these things or love me a certain way or give me the things I needed. He just did. And that might seem like a short time. I'm 34 and I feel fulfilled. What I went through in 11 years of marriage, divorce, dating, moving across the country to change my whole life, to heartbreak, to living alone, to getting clear and finding him. It wasn't an overnight job. I didn't wake up and meet the right man. I had to do a lot of work to get there. I had to understand my worth, I had to understand self-respect, I had to understand how relationships shape us, shape other people, how they work, how to dig deep within myself to clear up all of the shit that I had been hanging on to that was getting in the way of getting what I wanted.
My fiancé is now 46, and it took him 46 years to get to this point. There is a process to follow, it wasn't an overnight thing. It was more fulfilling when on the same day, we had written a letter to ourselves, this was before meeting each other, and we clearly defined what we wanted. It isn't a little list of good qualities that I think I want in a partner, it was clearly defined. We weren't about to welcome anything that didn't fit within all we have written.
Sending you good vibes & love,